As our kids grow up, their brains develop and change. To a very large degree, these changes are obvious. But some aspects of our children’s mental growth are harder to spot. To have more effective conversations about underage drinking, we have to tune in to our children’s cognitive needs, and develop skills that help keep us on the same wavelength.
Simply put, the concept of parenting stages is about learning to adjust our parenting behaviour to match our children’s cognitive development.
According to leading experts,* there are three main parenting stages: Teacher, Facilitator and Coach. Later, we’ll cover these three stages in greater detail. For now, it may help to look at a brief overview of our kids’ cognitive development and how it relates to the issues of alcohol and underage drinking.
From learning rules …
Until children are about 11 years old, the part of their brains that will eventually handle abstract thought – the cortex – isn’t fully developed. Their understanding of the world is limited to what they experience directly, including what they already know, see, touch and hear. Our job, as parents, is to set clear boundaries and limits.
When it comes to underage drinking, we can answer questions as they come up. We can also clearly outline our values and rules. We can say, “Alcohol is for adults.”
… To making choices
But, after age 11, their brains have developed to the point where they have started to develop their critical thinking skills. They begin to notice inconsistencies (“Why does Dad get to eat dinner on the couch, but I don’t?”). Our kids begin to make choices based on our rules and their own opinions. This is normal, healthy cognitive growth.
When it comes to the discussion of underage drinking, however, it certainly makes things more complicated. We need to take the time for more intense two-way conversations about the grey areas in life situations.
“Don’t be a friend. Be a friendly parent.”
Wendy Froberg, Canadian Child Psychologist
* Including Judy Arnall, Labatt’s family life education consultant and author.
Now discover the 3 Stages of Parenting – Teacher, Facilitator, Coach |