“Children are much more likely to learn from parenting modeling if their relationship with the parent is a good one. Children adopt the values of the people they admire, respect and love.”
Dr. Thomas Gordon, Canadian Clinical Psychologist
Believe that we are the influence.
When they’re young, it’s easy to see the influence we have on our children. They repeat the things we say, they copy our mannerisms, they dress up in our clothes. But as they get older, they copy their friends and try on other influences so they can begin to express their own individuality. However, research proves that parents still have a significant influence in their decisions about alcohol. *And, if we have a close and strong relationship, our influence with them grows.
Realise our children need to have a connection with us.
Our children want and need a close relationship with us. We recognize this when they’re younger and less sure of the world. As they become more independent, we may feel left behind. But their need for a deep connection with us hasn’t disappeared; it’s just changed. Our job now is to find new ways to connect so they always feel supported and our influence is never lost.
Examine our own assumptions and prejudices.
We may think we know what our children are going through, but chances are, we don’t. Kids today are dealing with distractions, temptations and pressures that are unique to their generation. When we set out to create deeper conversations about underage drinking, we should ask ourselves: “Are my own experiences getting in the way? Am I really prepared to listen to my child’s point of view?”
Always be aware of the other influences in our kids’ lives.
As parents, it’s natural to fight against the influences of our children’s peers, other role models, the media, etc. As these things enter our kids’ lives, we feel like our influence will be diminished. But the surest way to lose our influence is to fail to show our children that we can relate to their world. We should get to know their friends – not just who they are, but why they matter to our kids. By embracing their concerns and taking them seriously, we encourage them to see that our advice is based on true understanding.
Listen, because all kids (especially teens!) have a deep need to be heard.
As they get older, our children begin to feel that their ideas and opinions deserve consideration. When our kids evaluate rules and our advice, they need to know that we’re basing our words on a real understanding of what they’re thinking and feeling. If they feel unheard, they are more likely to turn to peers for validation.
*Emmanuel Kuntsche, et al., “The earlier the more? Differences in the Links Between Age at First Drink and Adolescent Alcohol Use and Related Problems According to Quality of Parent – Child Relationship.” Journal of Studies of Alcohol and Drugs, 2009.
Click here to discover the 3 Stages of Parenting |